So there I was tuning into one of the finer news sources available on what we like to call "Web 2.0" The news source of course being "Mysterious Universe." A podcast hosted by the dashing and debonair Benjamin Grundy, I have been a loyal subscriber for several weeks now (Where else am I supposed to find unbiased news about Giants in Germany, Big Foot or even Crop Circles?) and the last episode posted was an interview with one: David Icke.
This man is a stunner, just an absolute fucking treasure. Everything he has to say is simply beyond words when it comes to well informed and thoroughly researched arguments. To put it simply; David Icke is my new hero, Fuck Banting and Best and Fuck the Incredible Hulk as well, it's all David Icke from here on out.
The interview in question can be found here. Unfortunately it is over an hour long, and I completely understand any reluctance to listen to the whole thing. With this understanding I took it upon myself to do an interview of my own. God Bless you David.
Chet: Hello David, it is a huge pleasure to meet you. So can you tell us about your theories concerning world domination, the Illuminati and Evil Lizard Lords?
David: Why thank you Chet, it is always a pleasure to speak with one of the enlightened and just let me say; You must be a telapath, for I knew this would be your first question...
C: Well it was agreed in advance what we would discuss...
D: Yes, of course, I am just saying I can tell you are a true believer. One who does not follow his intellect but rather follows his consciousness or "heart."
C: How the fuck did you come to that...
D: No please! Do not attack me with your analytical scouring of my speech...
C: What the shit?
D: Look! I am who I am and I do what I say and mean what I mean simply because I do what I do! Who are you? Who are you to question what I do? You think with your head, and I, I think with my heart! Its my part to play and question what you say! Nay! I question what I see no matter who you may or may not be!
C: Wait, are you talking in fucking Rhyme?
D: There! See?!? You are attacking me with your intellect! Think outside of the box! Let go! Ride your consciousness to the next level, stop letting your "brain" run, nay!, ruin, your life and trust your heart. You will never be free of the restraints of society's collective intellect with an attitude like that! Its exactly what "they" want you to do! Everywhere you look you can see their claws gripping at our minds! Text books! Fucking Text Books! Who are you to tell me what to I should or should not know?!? Up here on my level we are free to be what we see, free to learn what we yearn...
C: Okay! There it is again! Are you just fuckin nuts!
D: You ain't got the guts! I pay, I pay for my way onto the train of insight or blight the right to fight, on a cold winter's night! Its all in there in my book, take a look! I ain't no crook!
At this point unfortunately the line went dead so the interview was cut short. In hindsight he may not have been as delightful as I once thought...
But then what the hell do I know? I am just a 25 year old Divorcee.
-Chet Biggenston
ps This, of course, was just a joke. The actual interview was completely unintelligible.
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